Take 2

                       

We made it over the ocean and through the woods once again. With little sleep and lots of adrenaline we accomplished all of the necessary task for our much anticipated Joli Day! Kai's expression says a lot about how traveling with a toddler goes. We met our fabulous guides who were here when we adopted Kai. It is like reuniting with family. The shared heart brings such comfort as you meet strangers from all over coming with the same anxious anticipation. We had our usual giggles in Walmart...I love seeing other cultures. Something about people watching people who you can't understand is highly amusing for me. Tonight as Kai napped in the stroller of the check out line and Derek using hand motions to communicate at Walmart, he turned around to ask me if people were staring because we were in the 10 item or less line. I laughed loudly; maybe I'm exhausted or its just a combo of all things. All good things. 

We've seen God...little breaths of Him. While waiting on millions (seriously we deal in millions) of people to cross through immigration, a gentlemen asked us to come to the front of the line! Hallelujah. Favor & thanks! And today an older gentleman gave up his seat for me on the bus that transferred us to our plane. This happened with Kai a year ago when I was alone making this trip...I was so moved by such a simple gesture. In the hustle and bustle, kindness in humanity is hard to see...but I'm always moved that God allows us to see goodness in our girls birthplace. Gunnar was recalling these events during different times of the day today- it was a special moment to let him pause and know that these aren't coincidences but the Lord himself moving before and behind us...leaving footprints for us to witness Him. 

Quiet Thoughts

I've been asked a lot about you...Have you been prepared? What will this be like for you? Do you know we are coming? In 125 hrs...your life will change forever...this life that you've only known. It will be a crash of two parents who have waited to hold you in their arms for the very first time (crazy people who are anxious to love and adore you), and you sweet one, leaving everything you've ever known. Adoption begins with loss. Monumental loss, because even with sad conditions, they've been your home, your safe place. Sadly this moment isn't the first loss you've experienced. It is too much for one little person's lifetime. For that I just have to take a moment to pause. 

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of JOY. Psalm 126:5

There is a silver lining...this wave that crashes so hard moments from now, it holds promise! Hope for your future. Love that you've never known. This loss is not lost on any of us...it's the beginning of the rest of your story. We will be witnesses to God's goodness and restoration. Because He writes the best stories. He is so good at healing all the broken pieces. Josh the founder of CCAI said maybe not this day, but days, months, years from now...after love and trust is built... We get the privilege of watching joy, compassion, love, kindness, all blooming forth from the ashes. Our church family prayed over us Monday night...our pastor prayed for the legacy you will leave. Your grandchildren and family...on a different journey because of this new beginning for you. That left us both speechless...I hope you know how special you are to us. This moment is not one that we foresaw. But we have trusted God's faithfulness and His ways are always better then our own. Soon we will be sleeping under the same star filled sky....that's pretty incredible. Coming for you sweet girl. Anticipating God's goodness and His ever faithful plans. 

And Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:5

I have a blog?

I haven't blogged since April?? I'm a little shocked and then on second thought...life is chaos around our house. I usually don't know what day of the week it is unless school is in session...so what have we been doing??

Enjoying sweet summertime of course! My one reader called and caught up on our lives recently. My therapist ask every time I'm in her office if I'm writing what I'm learning. I haven't...it's been an interesting season. I feel like I have been very introspective. And if my writing sounds rambly (I'm pretty sure this is not a word), that's just a glimpse of the noise in my heart and head.

Sometimes being at home is so lonely. As my kids get older the quiet seems to be more deafening every time they leave. That said the task of parenting can be so overwhelming when looking at the time left in my home and all the things I hope they'll take with them for the road ahead. Lots of days I feel ineffective and empty. Flat out exhausted most days. Our church just began this study on Marriage Misconceptions. If you want to be happy stay single...;) There is so much more to this message, but we will hang with that one thought. I told my mom I can't wait to hear how having children won't make you happy either!

We sign up for this white picket fence sweet baby of a thing and it's really our AWAKENING, our refining...our furnace! Because ultimately what God desires of our lives is that we reflect HIS image and some of us need more refining than others so it seems. I'll just raise my hand here...

My daughter was amazed that Jesus Calling would echo what her Mom had been trying to explain to her about her emotions and shrugged shoulders and ungrateful heart. That wouldn't be so hard if I didn't know where she got all of her glowing characteristics...
But this morning in the shower God so gently reminded me that this is anything but insignificant! I get the honor and privilege to see HIM face to face everyday through my children. If I'd take my stare off their imperfections that are mine and so UP in my face all of the time...
I see HIM...

In my oldest, Tinlee, such a gentle empathetic heart for others and those in need. Her desire and passion to GO and tell is so alive and bright in that Child. And I can just hear God echo...It's who I am!

And my Gunnar I have spent all this time wrestling with this BOY child I just don't know what to do with sometimes and this morning it was a revealing of me and the Lord wrestling... And a reminder that wrestling isn't a bad thing...it means I am at ARMS LENGTH...and just as I want my son to be within my grasp...I shouldn't forget my position as a daughter! Wrestling is ok, and encouraged....because HE knows this journey, and HE wants to travel along with me. Wrestling says I'm not giving up on this, it brings me near to HIS heart!

And Harper...such zest for life, charisma and humor that is so needed on so many days! But, mostly that kid is quick to forgive an offense and right a wrong. She has been ever since she was a very little girl. She takes more nudging recently as do we all, but it was such a clear picture that He is in control, He is victorious, and all the time life would be more full of humor if I just laid down my cares to begin with!

And my Kai...her story of redemption, that has nothing to do with me! Her attachment to me really hit home this morning...because I so long to reach out to the Father as she does me. Not just in times of desperation and quiet pleas, but in a way that just says ABBA Father! I just need you, no one else will do!
For an impatient vessel this is such a hard lesson...I don't want to miss the time at HIS feet because I was so grumbling all of the things that are totally out of my control!

As Joli waits...she has no grasp on what is to come! It's interesting to be on the outskirts looking in...but it's evident that even though I can see this part of her story coming...it's HIM who narrates each page. I have to press in, BE STILL, quiet my 1000 thoughts and just remind myself that

Romans 5:5Amplified Bible (AMP)

5 Such hope [in God’s promises] never disappoints us, because God’s love has been abundantly poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

As we were talking about Jesus Calling, I asked Tin whether God moved or did we? She laughed and said we do! He remains the same! I'm in the middle of the best class I've ever taken. The topics are all over the map, the hours are long and the homework is ongoing! I wouldn't trade it for the world. Drawing near to the one who calls me daughter! One day at a time...

This song kept rolling around in my head! Hope it washes over you!

Good Good Father- Housefires...google, you'll be glad you did!

Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like but I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night You tell me that you're pleased and that I'm never alone You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, It's who you are, It's who you are and I'm loved by you It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am I've seen many searching for answers far and wide But I know we're all searching for answers only you provide Because you know just what we need before we say a word You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, It's who you are, It's who you are and I'm loved by you It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, It's who you are, It's who you are and I'm loved by you It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways to us You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways You are perfect in all of your ways to us Oh it's Love so undeniable I, I can hardly speak Peace so Unexplainable I, I can hardly think As you call me deeper still as you call me deeper still as you call me deeper still into love love love You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, It's who you are, It's who you are and I'm loved by you It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am You're a Good, Good Father It's who you are, It's who you are, It's who you are and I'm loved by you It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am

A Bai Jia Bei for Joli Hope

I came across this sweet idea from another blog of an adopted son from China. Kai's is beautiful and I can't wait to share all the stories of her quilt coming together. A picture just doesn't do it justice. It is only fitting that we make the same quilt for Joli that she will also come to treasure. If you have the same material that's great too, that part is totally your choice. My mom and her friends couldn't believe I didn't have a color scheme...that's the beauty in all the parts coming together. 

What is a Bai Jia Bei/ 100 Good wishes Quilt? 

To welcome and celebrate new life, there is a tradition in the northern part of China to make a Bai Jia Bei, or 100 Good Wishes Quilt. It is a custom to invite friends and family to contribute a patch of cloth with a wish for the baby. Part of the patch of cloth goes into the quilt for the baby and the other part of the cloth goes into a book with the wish for the child. The quilt contains the blessings from all the families and friends who contribute a piece of fabric. 

Would you like to participate?? This is what you can do:

1. Select a fabric that you like, or that is meaningful to you. It can be new or used. I'm going to use swatches from the kids blankets that my mom made for them, for their contributions. 

2. Cut one 8" x 8" square & also a scrap piece from the fabric to attach to the Blessing/Verse/ Card...whatever you decide on. Feel free to contribute more than one square. 

The Wish/or Blessing for our Purposes

1. This is your choice, something meaningful to you & your family. It could be a special verse, quote, prayer, card, poem & will be included in the scrapbook with the swatch of fabric to identify your square on the quilt. Remember to sign your blessing. 

2. If you would like you could include why you chose the fabric, so later Kai can read the story of all the love that went into make this Blessing Quilt. 

We'd love to have many different squares so if you'd like to help you can comment or message me & you can mail it on to us! 

Here's an example of a swatch! 

8" Square 

Scrap can be any size; we just want to see which fabric & it can be attached to a plain piece of paper handwritten, or typed, or a card, or whatever you think up-it's up to you! 

I'm thrilled & can't wait to see the final product!! 

It feels like a lifetime...

1 year ago Kai and I were en route coming home from China. The longest of days. Coming off of lots of adrenaline and support of the Holy Spirit to survive our 18 day journey. It never felt like 18 days until we landed in Denver.

At the airport in Toyko, Japan. A little Pee-Pie

I can't believe it's been a year. It feels like she has been a part of our lives for always. 

Who is Kai a year later...she still exudes so many qualities as she did the day we first met. She is a wild observer. She watches your every move and mimics so many details. She is kind and loving. She still has this quietness when she is taking in the world around her. She doesn't miss a beat. She loves to be perched high on your arm, not low on your hip. She loves to be extra close when seated together, preferably with her feet tucked under your legs. She wants to wear a sweater always. First thing to do most days is putting on her shoes. She is still into experiencing her food whether that means playing with it all, throwing it or smearing it all over herself. 

She's also changed so much! She is still tiny and mighty, and weighs in at 26.8 pounds and 2'11" ...she's grown 8 pounds and over 5 inches in height. She's grown 2 shoe sizes. she can be very vocal, she has lots of new words, but they aren't all clear which causes lots of distress. She can say I Love You as clear as a bell, and sign it with both hands. That's the sweetest sound a mommy can hear. She is obsessed with her choc milk. She adores her siblings and calls out to each of them when she first sees them, like hey guys are you here to play? She also can take back toys and assert herself like a toddler blooming into an independent 3 year old. She might be found on the floor laying down demanding sympathy from time to time. She wants to zip up, put her clothes on and shoes by herself. She loves her blankets and stuffed animals. So many friends, Moo Cow, Minnie, Simba, Nala, Hippo, Bear, Teddy Bear, Giant Puppy and the list goes on and on and on. 

Some nights have been long. We've slowly moved out of our newborn stage into exploring her room and playing with toys. Wanting to stay up all night so not to miss out on anything super fun. Grief has been intermittent. But present. It can make a parent feel so helpless. It is also a constant reminder that we can't do this alone. God has been loving and parenting right along side of us. Revealing himself to sweet Kai. Letting her know she is safe and we are constant. It's evident the journey doesn't stop here. Healing takes lots of time.

She brings such joy and life to our home. I hate to imagine a life that wouldn't include her in our story and us in hers. I can't wait to see what God has in store for her. Sewing each piece together ever so delicately. He is in the details. Every single one. Not just for Kai, but for all of us. I'm thankful it's been magnified in her life so it could be revealed to us. Sometimes we miss out on so much of his glory because we just aren't looking in the right places.  

Rebelling against the Pinterest pic mom had in mind...

Easter Hunt with Harpie 

Snack time 

Celebrating our family day...she is a fan of cake! 

Open Hands

Obedience is hard...when your, 2, 5, 8, 9, 33 or on your way to 36...I try to remind my kiddos and myself of that often. We are all a work in progress with confidence that He will complete the work that He begun in us. Sometimes it's easier to talk about obeying then actually following through with obedience. We seem to circle this idea a lot. A person might think after walking a road once before, obedience the second round would feel so natural. With that being said, our journey continues.

Bryant... party of 7? Why? How? Are you sure? Make no mistake we have considered all the crazy. We have asked ourselves the same questions you may be thinking. We are well aware of the catastrophe that is our life together. As we started praying about what God desired for us, it was hard to set aside all the what if's and just hear what our next steps should be. After our first trip to *hina we felt like we'd return some day. We are changed and will be from now on for the cause of the orphan, near, far and each one in between. We had no idea that day would be sooner than later. When we surrender our plans change. 

Jehovah is adding (Jo) to our family another beautiful (Li) little girl. Joli Hope is the newest Bryant, and we have such Hope in what God is doing here. This Hope doesn't disappoint (Romans 5:5). Take two requires faith just as it did before and trusting all that God is doing is Hard trust. But what we are learning is we just have to jump- be willing and we trust as a response to His record. He has already done abundantly more then anything we could ask or imagine. And what we know to be true about Him, is He is Good! 

We are excited,overwhelmed, anxious with anticipation, and in the rough part of this pregnancy...waiting without control of paperwork processes and how our sweet girl is being cared for. Just 1 year out from picking up Kai, the waiting is still Hard! Very hard. I find such hope in seeing not only Kai's journey but so many others. I'm reminded how much is out of our hands. 

We'd love you to join us in praying for our new daughter, Joli Hope. Nights can be long and quiet. I can't help but wonder what's happening an ocean away. Adoption begins with loss. Undeserving in so many ways. Joli of course deserves a loving home, but more than a family she needs Jesus. The author and perfector of our faith. The only one who can heal and restore and weave back together her precious story to reveal His glory. So we wait with open hands for our girl. We pray we can be the vessels He has asked us to be. It's a beautiful catastrophe and we are grateful for the story He continues to write for us. 

Gunnar = 8?

No way no how. Today Adele at the office was talking about how fun it has been to watch our kids grow up. I feel like we just brought Gunnar home. He had a traumatic entrance. One that equaled Dad holding him first and mom being unconscious. He started out fighting and Derek prayed for a warrior of a son and God did not disappoint. He is all BOY. And so handsome. He loves his momma and I so love him. He is tenacious and curious and always looking for answers. He loves to play. He loves Furrs. He loves Legos and being outside. He is the one that challenges me the most. I pray for the man he is becoming and the leader he will be. It's one of the best gifts to watch God sew seeds in our kiddos. It's an honor being this ones mom.