Time...

We've been to the park, off to the zoo, napped and napped and needed more naps. And now Derek is busy packing for he and Tinlee to return home and he's packing me up to finish the last leg of our trip.

It's bittersweet him going, but seeing Gunnar's big cocoa beans eyes lets this momma know we have made the right choice. I'm so thankful for all the help and play dates and company that you have been keeping with my babes- it means more than you can know. 

We on the other hand have had some harder days- grief comes in waves...and for a little one- it's so very sad and difficult to watch. Kai doesn't know what the future holds all she can process is she's left everything she's ever known. She is so wonderful- and I want to be the salve to her pain... But in the quiet of my own tears God reminded me that's not for me to do. He heals, she is His girl and I'm to steward her just as I have 3 others. Meeting needs, sharing love, earning trust, being mom, Praying for healing and protection from those things I can't see. I want to fix! But He is El Roi- the God who sees and He scooped Kai up and placed her in our lives and I have to breathe and trust myself. It's in my nature to want to fix, but He continues to whisper through others, this takes time! And we must take it all one day at a time. 

She has attached herself to me like rubber cement- peeling away when necessary or feeling smothered- and we laugh and she is just processing...she is inquisitive and affectionate, she's just learning what feels safe. And when she opens her eyes she expects to see me. 

Deep behind those dark almond eyes, you can see the wonder. She's so brave. And this is much like having an infant- just with a toddler who remembers- and isn't as easily distracted. 

She been giving Derek and Tinlee the cold shoulder some, occasionally a game and sometimes just to set the boundary. Her face is very expressive. Yesterday she got upset and her eyebrows turned red like baby Tinlee- it cracked me up! And thankfully I figured out what she wanted in a timely manner. 

It's like walking on hot coals! Lol

Not that I have but it's a willing act of love and trust being earned and sometimes it feels like your being burned. But grief is always more painful when being walked through! I'm so thankful to know that to be true. God paved this road for me-gently, and He equipped me with all the tools that I need. But I must not take my eyes off Him. He is my guide! And this like in Ecclesiastes is the time to tear down and rebuild...the time to dance for joy for little victories! He is so good All the Time...pics below for you to enjoy!!! 

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 ESV)

She loves to walk...and explore...

A Zoo day...

        Sun setting on another day...